can you tell me "Where I BelonG"

Hi there

Well, exams are done and I'm graduating, I guess thats good news. I lost my part time job because of the "Budget Cuts". They could not afford me anymore. I have started going back to the GYM since I wanna shape up a little bit and go back to my old-self rather than the new fatty that I am. And last but not least I have another qualification exam next week that I have not been preparing for, I can't seem to be able to concentrate for it. All the normal usual stuff happening as usual. Cooking, cleaning, washing, sleeping, looking for a job, and I have started making a cousin cover in my spare time when I'm watching TV. 

I wanted to talk about where I go and where I am, maybe because I'm kinda in the middle of nowhere with nothing to keep me in place or reshape me. There are this group of people who are asking me to go through GRE and apply for PHD in US, these people just wamt me close to them. Well they are family, I love them and they love me but do I really have to go through another 3 to 5 years are university life to be close to them? I don't wanna do that. I'm tiered of Studying and I reallllyyyy don't wanna go back to uni and I specifically don't want to start a PHD. There are my beautiful parents who say you can do whatever you want and go where ever you want and they support me no matter what. But all of these things don't mean anything. I know I want to start a job get some experience here and there. I know i think its impossible for me to fall in love and I'm desperate to find a way to break this curse... I guess its sad when you can watch a romantic movie or drama or even read a love story and cry and feel the feelings of the main characters and not be able to create your own story... Its really sad when you want to love not just the family members but someone outside the family, some crazy stubborn person who can drive you nuts, but you can't leave them alone...somewhere to belong... I have always thought the heart of the people whom love you is where you belong... the sad reality is that you parents have each other, your brothers and sisters create their own family and at the end of the day if you cannot find that one person or not even the one but someone to love you don't belong anywhere, you are the lost soul just like me searching for a place to belong to and believe it or not it's kinda scary when you come ti your senses and two years have passed and you are still where you where to years ago emotionally...frozen....

Alright I'm going, Don't wanna tart crying again. I guess I'm a crybaby since almost every time I start writing something here I start crying too.

I love you