Hey

Hi Dear

This is fun. Its like a personal diary. It calms me and cause its like I'm talking to the world and its also like a private diary since not many people visit, and i think this is the reason I started writing here instead of a diary.

Well last night i got some free time so i watched a Korean movie called the S Diary. Its like I was there but i have not moved on like her since I don't have any hopes or dreams left for me or even any energy to sort out all the mess from the past and move on. i can not say all my past boyfriends loved me or it was just physical. At least there are 2 of them that I'm sure they loved me. Sometimes I wonder maybe I can not find love cause I broke the heart of the man I loved the most. I have never been able to love like that again. Well that is why first love is the most beautiful and the most heart breaking one I guess.

Before I forget let me tell you one funny thing. My cousin's ex actually wanted to have a relationship with me and its not like he is close, he lives in another country. The joke is that he wants a happy and easy relationship from me. Can you believe him? Someone like me with a messed up heart and mind, who can not trust any man. Someone like me who needs someone to open up this broken heart in an easy and happy relationship with someone who wants everything on equal terms without any hardship. Well he is out of the picture since I cannot give him what he is asking for. Oh well forget him, guess he is not worth it.

Forgetting about love life let me tell you about my music interests. Well, I can say I started listening to music with my dad's albums: The wall, The dark side of the moon and the animals of Pink Floyd. and this is before I was 6. I know, too young for the music but thats how i started, not like many kids my age who started with pop music. Around the time when I was 10, Pink Floyd had the Berlin the wall concert. Thats about when I started listening to bands like Aerosmith, Guns 'N roses, Bon Jovi, and Brayan Adams. I think I only followed these guys for a year or two I don't have that many albums of them. Well thats expected I guess. That is till I discovered HIM with "Gone with the Sin". For some funny reason I love this band and I have been archiving their albums since.

Well I have to add, my first love, was crazy for metal and during the 2 years of our relationship, I started listening to metal music. During this time i started listening to KoRn, System of a Down, Tristania, ManOwaR, MegaDeath, etc. 

My most recent obsession is K-pop I guess. I never liked American pop music for some funny reason. When my friends were killing themselves for Back Street Boys, Britney Spears and similar groups and singers, I was so indifferent. Still don't know, maybe i was too much under the influence of Pink Floyd during those times. Oh, well even now I don't listen to what my friends listen to. Well that is expected cause they are not asian so they don't listen to the music they can not relate to or understand. For me its like i wanna learn their language and culture. I wouldn't mind living in their countries or getting closer to them. Well maybe its cause I'm running away from my past and my own people. 

Alright, Enough for today, guess i talked too much and now you are bored with the crazy me. Thanks for reading and talk to you soon.

I love you

It's been a while

Hi 

Sorry, I've been busy with school and stuff. Its like life is running as fast as it can and I'm trying to catch up, out of breath and tiered but I guess there is no stopping.

So, I was talking about the disastrous relationships. So, just before I left home to come down under, I met this guy who apparently is considered a good catch. Oh well, he is rich, he's getting his PhD and comes from a good family and everyone says he is very responsible and a gentleman and all. So my mom being a mother and out of concern with all my aunties whom I love started saying that you two would make a perfect match. Since we are in the same field we exchanged emails and once in  while we talked through emails and all. This guy after getting all the help he needed with the articles he needed to publish in english and all stopped talking to me for some reason, oh and the reason he justified his act even though he was aware of everyone's intentions was that "I left home and him" and the funny thing is that i was leaving even before I met him and it had nothing to do with this guy in the first place and he knew from the start before exchanging emails and all. Oh well here goes another relationship. 

So, while I was busy struggling with this guy and all, being the new girl in town, all the guys in our community who were single started hitting on me. So I just quit hanging out with those guys (this guy is a friend of the family and I could not ditch him that easily), but one of them being as persistent as guys can be did not back off and actually said that he'd say this and that to my parents and he'd stop hanging out with me as the only person I knew and all. SO I had to kinda date him. So what happend next was that after I think a couple of months he said I'm cheating on him, with whom and when or where I still don't know. So I just said I'm done with this stupid relationship and all. By the way the guy still was trying to fix things up for about a year after I broke everything off. Honestly I can tollerate many things but I guess 2 times in my life I could not tollerate what was told and this would be the second one, of course the first one was the stupid thing that guy (from the bottom he's e the third) said about my family.

I have gone on dates after all these things happened in the past two years but I have never wanted to date any of the guys I have dated. To some extend i don't trust men anymore and I sometimes wonder is there a man who can break the ice and free me or not. I guess guys don't do these sort of things anymore now a days.

Well, now all the messy and bothersome stuff is out of the way so if I start talking nonsense i guess you'd understand where its coming from and all.

I'll try to come back soon but with these weekly quizes and tests and all I'm not sure when I'll be back. Thanks for listening to me today too.

I love you and good night